How do you keep track of your internet passwords?

I am seriously surprised at the enormous amount of number and letter combinations I can remember to access my favorite websites and online services. Stamps, Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, WordPress, HootSuite, Yahoo!, MyNook… and the list goes ON AND ON!

Some request a capital letter and a number, others BEG you to include a “special character” …uhh like in a TV show? I pick Dwight from The Office. Oh, you mean one of these !@#$%^&*()_ 

I once entered a password and it was all like “You changed that a while ago, remember?” … so they keep track of my current password AND my past passwords. Dude, that was way back when I was into Pokemon.

On top of that, I have to remember my usernames. I try to keep it pretty constant, but every once in a while, someone takes my very unique name that I use everywhere. I pretty much make a face like this when I see that:

So naturally I need to check to see if the person who owns that account is worthy of the username, and most of the time they haven’t logged on since 2002. C’mon, people. Remember my previous post on usernames? Mega lame.

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Thank you so much for your current submissions! You guys ROCK. Let’s keep it going, we have a few more days. From my previous post:

Instead of giving general advice that you can find in a free magazine at your taco stand, let’s hear some stories from real people in order to give hope to others who are searching and find it impossible to find somebody during these times as we approach a Hallmark holiday. I’d like you to:

1. Share the story of how you met someone special. Type it up, it can be as long or as short as you want.
2. Submit it on this website via a comment, the “Submit” page on the top of this website, or on your own blog and share the link on here.
3. Read your own story along with the stories of other people on a story post to be published this upcoming Friday morning.

How to Not Be in a Relationship

Let’s clear something up, if you are looking for advice on how to not behave when you’re in a relationship please refer to Cosmopolitan magazine. This is different. With Valentine’s Day coming up, people begin to make up feelings toward one another that go away as soon as you see each other without hair product. Few things can be as awkward as having someone, who you do not intend to start a relationship with, confess their feelings for you. Or the awkwardness of first dates. I’ve asked a question to several single friends for some time now, and there always seems to be a common answer after I push for a more truthful, not-afraid-of-being-judged, answer.

“For some reason, people always try to push others into a relationship. They try to set you up with people, and when they find out that you’re single, they feel some obligation to try to ‘help’ by giving you advice on how to find somebody. How do you feel about that? Would you like to be in a relationship with someone at this point in your life?”

“No, not right now. There’s lots of things I want to finish.”

“I know, right? Why can’t people understand that I’m happy like this? I guess it would be nice, but maybe later.”

“I don’t know, but that’s why I avoid going to family events. So I’m 27 and single; we live in different times, people!”

I was expecting an answer like that. So I rephrased it, and asked again. Eventually, I found a pattern. So let’s say you don’t really don’t want a relationship then. That means you’d avoid it, right? You might be shaking your head right now. Aha! So you’d consider it. The truth is, you are avoiding it. You may not be fully conscious of it, but ask yourself you’re doing any of the following things.

How to Not Be in a Relationship

Decrease your odds

Stay as close to home as possible, and refuse to meet other people. For example, let’s say you have a business and want nobody to know about it, what do you do? Don’t tell anybody about it! Have it there and available, but do not expose it to new potential clients. The same goes with you, the less you go out and meet new people, the less likely you are to end up in something you don’t want to be a part of.

Focus only on yourself

People who end up in relationships are usually those who want to share things. You don’t want that. Don’t worry about other people, just do your thing and let others deal with theirs. Be careful though, some people are attracted to those who show that they don’t need anyone else. My suggestion is to add a little bit of douchiness to it.

Count on fate

Some people think that they will be approached in a coffee shop by someone who is fascinated by the book you are reading and will propose there on the spot. Or that you’ll bump into a girl and help someone pick up her books only to make eye contact and fall in love. That usually never happens, so if you do that… you are likely to avoid a relationship.

Pretend to be someone you are not

Oh that works like a charm! Everybody dislikes someone like that.

Think that you need a relationship to be happy

For some reason, people who are always claiming to want a relationship in order to be happy don’t end up in one, so it may be smart to follow their lead and do what they do. Let’s see… what do they do besides watching romantic comedies by themselves while eating microwave pizza? They chase the wrong people, have low self-esteem, and feel sorry for themselves. Yeah, do that.

The end.

In case you forget, just remember DFCPT.. haha “DFCPT?” ok, that didn’t work out the way I was hoping it would.

Did I miss anything?

But wait, there’s more!

Its funny how a single decision in your life leads to many others, and they always make interesting stories. Meeting each other in a new city. Getting a job because someone dropped out, and marrying your cubicle-mate. What were the odds of that?

Why don’t you share your story? It can be funny, boring, embarrassing, or extremely cliché.

Instead of giving general advice that you can find in a free magazine at your taco stand, let’s hear some stories from real people in order to give hope to others who are searching and find it impossible to find somebody during these times as we approach a Hallmark holiday. I’d like you to:

1. Share the story of how you met someone special. Type it up, it can be as long or as short as you want.
2. Submit it on this website via a comment, the “Submit” page on the top of this website, or on your own blog and share the link on here.
3. Read your own story along with the stories of other people on a story post to be published this upcoming Friday morning.

Trying to fart

You  know how when you try to fart as you’re walking,  it comes out as a series of pops?

Well, most of the time, right? Lets not get too technical here.

I was walking around downtown, heading toward a burrito place I discovered thanks to some guy that was asking for signatures to legalize marijuana, when I turned the corner in a construction zone. It was one of those areas where you can hardly find anyone walking, shady (like actual shade, not “shady”. Oh, and shady too, I guess), and found an older woman doing a funky squat thing, I thought she was trying to reach for something in her back pocket, but then I heard a fart. In an attempt not to laugh, I semi-sneezed and she turned around and looked right at me. She started walking, only to release a series of pops with about one second in between and perfectly in sync with her left foot touching the ground. Fortunately for both of us, I had my earphones on with no music playing in order to avoid having to sign petitions and a good reason to talk to myself because people think I’m on my headset, so I just pretended not to hear anything.

I passed the lady in order to avoid the trail of gas, when I began to actually analyze the situation. How many people are trying to cut the cheese at this moment? Have we all mastered The Art of the Silent Fart?

Sometimes, when I hold it too long, I can actually feel it going up my guts again, and it sounds just like the real thing. It sounds like a cat purring, and other times its just like an angry dog trying to win a tug-of-war against you and you fear for a millisecond that it will actually bite you.  Which reminds me, have you ever farted around a dog and scared them? They look at you like: huh? Was that me or you?

When I see a person at a coffee shop trying to lean in one direction, while discreetly lifting up their left butt cheek from their seat, are they actually farting? And come on! How can people not be farting around, or stinking up the bathroom, we’re at a coffee shop. What else can we expect?