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155. Waking up before everyone else after sleeping over somewhere

Have you ever spent the night somewhere, and have woken up way before the person who invited you over?

What are you supposed to do? I mean, they probably won’t be up for another couple of hours, but you just can’t go back to sleep in this strange home. Aside from wiping off drool and folding up your sheets and stuff, I’ve come up with a few things you can do. Check it out:

1. Open their fridge – Just to see what they have in there. You might find some free-for-all leftovers in there.

2. Check the medicine cabinet – I never open this stuff when I’m at someone else’s house, but do I get curious? Heck yeah!


3. Try to drop something or make a noise to make them wake up – Make sure you make it seem like an accident though.

4. Go poop – It is the perfect time to do so.

5. Air out the bathroom – See previous.


6. Watch your friend sleep – Just kidding.

7. Leave – Without saying bye or anything. They’ll get the memo.

What the heck though seriously. I feel awkward staying over at other people’s places, usually I just sit there and check my email, or text back a few people. What else is there to do?

154. Looking at your drop of spit fly through the air as you’re talking

Some people are notorious for spitting when they speak. I notice every single one of those occasions. Someone is showing you how to correct the formula on your Excel file, and then suddenly, they stop, wipe their mouth, and then a tiny drop of spit from your screen that has since been illuminated by a rainbow of colorful pixels from your monitor.


Most of the time people pretend to not notice it, but I only do that if the other person does it while we’re eating. I just really do it for my own sake, I don’t want to imagine that tiny foamy droplet flying into my mashed potatoes, even though the chef was probably singing to some Mexican music and spitting to his heart’s content back in the kitchen.

See? I’m better off not knowing.

What do you do in those situations?

152. Quitting your job

Giving an official notice to leave something is awkward. How do you tell your awesome manager that you’re leaving? It feels like breaking up, and they never expect it.

I’ve quit jobs by both on the spot, and with adequate notice. Few have felt nice, but some have been really bad to leave. You’d be surprised!


I quit working at a fast food restaurant by giving my two week notice, and without any sign of me leaving. I had gotten a little award thing for saying my lines and behaving properly when customers would get pissed. When I told my manager, I felt horrible for creating the trouble of finding a new person to cover, since the whole hiring process kinda sucks for hiring managers. He looked at me, and I told him I left my letter on his desk. It didn’t feel all satisfying, like people usually say it feels like.


I worked at the office of a huge douche lawyer, and as soon as I got my check (no lag time), I left. I also left the reports that he wanted ready for him on his desk, sorted by alphabetical order, and to a really high level of detail. When I didn’t return, he called me, and I didn’t answer. He was a pretty screwed up guy. That actually felt really cool.

But how do you work at a place that has your two-weeks notice already? Isn’t it weird? Do you have any awesome quitting stories?


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