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Posts tagged ‘bathroom’

83. When someone talks to you while you’re pooping

“Uh, I’m a little busy right now.. ” Read more

63. Noticing that you’re out of toilet paper

…When it is too late.

La la la. . . going to the bathroom can be an enjoyable thing for certain people. They’ve come up with different names for that very important task. Heck, there is even a Toilet Paper Day (August 26th)! Anyway, it isn’t only known as “pooping” anymore, it is also known as many other things now. Taking a dump, dropping a bomb, releasing the brownies, dropping the kids off at the pool, unloading the truck. Plus some other ones that include stronger language.

However, one thing can definitely ruin that experience. After you sit down, begin to check your text messages and emails on your iPhone; and start playing Angry Birds and posting on your friend’s pictures on Facebook. . your eye might catch a glimpse of something horrible: A BROWN PAPER TUBE with a lonely sheet of toilet paper hanging from it that will definitely not get the job done. HA! And you considered yourself to be a risk taker. Good luck.

That moment; that instant when you see that your mind begins to think at a speed of 100,000 frames per second (I just made that up, so please no harsh criticism). A slow motion of this would look like this:

Oh no why didn’t I check? Can I tear up the tube and use that? Maybe there are spare rolls around here somewhere. Is it possible to clean with water? What if I just wash my hands afterwards? Receipts in my pocket! No that’s a bad idea. I’ll check the cabinet. Crap I can’t get up without making a mess. Dang it what did I eat!?

So what do you do in this situation? Uhh. . . well, you could always sacrifice a sock, I guess. Hey I don’t know. I thought my job was to just explain the moment!
[Thanks diaryofaloststriver]

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54. The peeing noise

I personally believe that the word “pee” came about the sound that you make when you’re peeing.

Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………….

O.K., so maybe it didn’t. Do you have any other ideas?

Every once in a while, I am forced to pee when there are other people around. In a public restroom, at a friend’s house, etc. But every time I do, I try very hard to avoid making the sound of liquid falling on more liquid. I just find it awkward that other people can hear the sound of my urine hitting the toilet water.

People imagine you peeing when they hear you pee.

Think about this: when you can hear something, but can’t see it, don’t you tend to visualize it? I don’t want people visualizing my urination session. Besides, some people are skilled enough to figure out how much longer you will be peeing based on the tone of the peeing noise. So what do I do to prevent it? I aim at the inner part of the toilet bowl wall above the water level (because I can —sorry ladies). It works most of the time!

Which reminds me, different genders have different views about this. All I know is that I’ve heard that sound coming from both men and women, and I was a bit surprised to find out that they’re very different:

Men: Constant stream, slower stream, drip, drip, flush.

Women: Splash, splash, stream, splash, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, *tearing of toilet paper sound*, long pause, flush.

Talk about complicated..

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