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Posts from the ‘Story’ Category

Fan Favorite Quotes From the Most Awkward Television Show: The Office

“Abraham Lincoln once said that if you are a racist, I will attack  you with the north.” -Michael Scott

Coffee Shop Culture: Which one are you?

I’ve spent a lot of time in coffee shops over the years and I still like them. And, well, sure you may be thinking of Starbucks or Peet’s Coffee or.. Seattle’s Best (which major ones have I missed?), I’m talking smaller shops.

The best coffee shop is the one where you feel the most comfortable in. I like quiet ones; even dead quiet ones where their Pandora radio station or XM radio isn’t working so you’re forced to listen to people typing or the occasional popping fart from people drinking coffee and trying to hold it in. Obviously your stomach will become overactive, right? You’re drinking caffeine! Do you guys think its only your mind “speeding up” or your heart turning from a constant beat to a buzzing sound, like when you trap a fly between the window and the window screen? No, no, no! Your guts start churning faster too, they try to digest things quicker, also your minor twitching becomes even more hardcore… what would normally be a tiny little vibration on your arm suddenly becomes a violent up and down motion that tries to slap your face.

But don’t just take my word for it, check out these boring websites: Coffee & Health or Caffe Moak and they’ll tell you a bunch of facts that you don’t need to learn right now, but basically… yes, it can make you fart. It can also dehydrate you.. but whatever, I like coffee.

So back to the original idea: how come coffee shops aren’t better equipped to handle people pooping and farting while in their shops? Of course I don’t mean literally pooping in their chairs, I mean more like.. an extra amount of toilet seat covers in their bathrooms or, heck, MORE THAN ONE RESTROOM!? Have you ever been to a Starbucks that has NO restroom? (mostly in super urban downtown areas, where the transient population is high). It’s like… uh? You’re serving coffee, of course you’re going to have to wait in line for the restroom if the person is taking a massive dump in there. Uh, maybe some reading material, better air fresheners. Coffee shop owners, take note.

I become a regular at a coffee shop no matter where I am, and right now, I found mine at Cafe Legato here in San Jose, California. Simple, quiet, and classical music themed. Who can pass up a pastry for $0.85? Anyway, the owners here know my regular drink, and they know that I stay here for a long time. I also have a Coffee Shop Buddy, but she doesn’t know it yet so I guess we’re in an open coffee shop buddy relationship because she goes to other shops too and so do I because we trust each other and.. okay, maybe that’s the wrong analogy. We acknowledge each other in the mornings, and we work on our own things separately all day long.

From where I sit, literally in the corner of the shop.. –Oh, let me take a photo. One second.


–Here we go. See, I have a clear view on everything. So I notice the:

Person who doesn’t get off their cell phone when they order, so the poor guy behind the counter tries to repeat their order or get confirmation on something and gets a nod and a finger sign language thing common of cell phone talkers.

The woman and the crying kid who orders a small chocolate milk or an apple juice and then takes forever to decide what she wants so the kid grows impatient and starts running around saying hi to everyone. Yay.

Indecisive one, the person who actually becomes embarrassed by his inability to order something, that he lets everybody in line order first and then can’t get himself back in line. He finally decides on a regular coffee and then regrets it.

The other day, this one guy came in making a scene because his car got towed. He left it overnight at in a private parking lot, I mean.. c’mon man. He asked everybody in a whiney voice where his car was. I just turned up my music and watched a YouTube video even harder. Nobody told him anything, besides, he was disrupting a piece by Mozart. Uh, get out of here, guy!

I know that many of you are bloggers and authors and readers.. where do you prefer to work? At home, or a coffee shop of some sort? At a park? What kind of coffee shop characters have you noticed?

This Food Is Made With Real Food!

1102738I find it funny how food products advertise how their stuff is made with real ingredients. If that isn’t a red flag to what we’re eating, I don’t know what is.


It’s like most of what we’re eating is made in a lab. Wait, I think it actually is. Ugh, this whole food thing is driving me nuts (follow my fasting adventure here). I found it really funny that I found a can of iced tea at the store that said “Made with Real Tea Leaves!” and I thought to myself how else would you make tea?


Have you ever seen those notices on food products that you buy? Check them out next time you go to the store.

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