Five Things To Do While Taking A Dump
It doesn’t matter if its a quick sit and release mission or if it involves sitting there until your legs get numb, taking a dump is time you will never get back. For some, it is the only time we will get to ourselves. Remember these words:
“The most important thoughts come to you while you’re pooping and just before you fall asleep.” -Edwin
But what DO people do while they’re on the can?
#5: Read the shampoo labels
Its one big conspiracy, people. The FDA and everyone is in it. They know that awesome thoughts come to us at such times so the FDA asked companies to add difficult reading material to shampoos and toothpaste in order to keep us from gathering and starting a rebellion. Just kidding. But I honestly believe that 90% of people that read those things do so while sitting on the toilet.
#4: Spend time trying to disguise your pooping noises
Start the sink faucet just as something is about to plop. Go into some deep mediation to try to “mind-over-matter” and pray to the universe that the next round doesn’t come up as loud as the previous one. This is particularly common in public restrooms where people are clearing their throats all the time and even flushing just so that the flushing sound covers up the fart sounds.
What do you think about when you’re sitting on the toilet? I replay conversations in my head, wonder about what someone else is doing and hope that we’re not doing the same thing, come up with blog post ideas, and general daydreaming. Sometimes I just sit there and think about so many things that I forget how long I’ve been in there. My legs get numb after about 12 minutes, so that’s a good indicator.
#2: Listen to music
Songza.com has a great playlist for this: Check it out! They say:
“Hey, we’re not always proud of our scatological moments, but it’s something we all gotta do. So why not have the best possible soundtrack for your time in the smallest room of the house?”
What are some of your dump songs?
#1: Check your mobile
That handy little device is always in our pocket, thank goodness. It is one big coincidence that my tweets get sent around the same time I’m on The Throne. My phone is usually on silent, so I miss many phone calls and don’t reply to text messages. But don’t worry, these get thoroughly checked and they get replies when I’m on the can.
You probably check Facebook, Twitter, email, text messages, Pinterest, StumbleUpon.. or play Temple Run or Angry Birds, heck sometimes your best scores come from the “smallest room in your home.”
What do you do?