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Are you a loud eater? Find out!

116. When someone is chewing loudly and they don’t realize it

Have you ever tried to eat an apple at work? Do you try to not act annoyed by somebody chewing loudly next to you? Do your friends think you’re stingy because you refuse to offer them chips or pretzels but the only reason you don’t do so is because you don’t want to hear them chew?

Let’s face it, sometimes we do things that others find annoying, like licking our fingers before flipping a page of a book, missing when we pee, or letting one rip in front of your in-laws. But do you do one of the top 124,234 things that most annoy people? That’s right, I’m talking about chewing loudly; let us find out by answering the following questions truthfully:

Do people invite you out to lunch often? Eating is a highly social event, people enjoy food and they think that the joy will spread and they can actually get to like someone by eating with them, but sometimes things don’t work that way.

Does your dog stop begging for food once you start eating? The poor guy might think you’re eating gravel and dried twigs, can you blame him?

While you’re eating, do people seem to get mad at you for no reason? Aha! Well now it makes sense, right? You’re welcome.

If you think you are the only one that can hear yourself chewing, you are probably wrong.

I used to pack an apple to take to work every day. I’d take one bite out of it, let it sit there,  and watch it get brown until the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I love those things! I like the yellow ones. Just to be clear, I don’t judge based on the color of its skin, origin, or maturity.. I eat them all. I sometimes wonder if I was a horse in a past life; what else could explain it? Anyway, I would let it sit there because the people on the cubicles around me would hear the CRUNCH! CRUNCH CRUNCH… of the delicious apple.

They’re not like crackers, you see.. with crackers you can just leave them in your mouth and eventually they get soggy and they get eerily quiet. Apples don’t! They’re straight up legitimate noise-makers.

As comical as it can be, this can be a very big issue for some. There are groups on Facebook titled “I hate loud eaters!!!” and “I hate people that chew loud!”, seriously.

I’ll let you guys in on a personal story:

In Spanish, they are called chicharrones. In English, we call them pork rinds. The skin of a pig is ripped into tiny squares and then fried in pig fat and served with seasoning or hot sauce. As healthy and appetizing as it sounds, I am not a big fan of them. Some dude had a bag of these (Hot Cheeto-style) and was sitting behind me during a lecture on flux and electric fields. The bag was sealed when I got there, so when I heard the package being opened, I gripped my pencil tight and mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen.

The first bite wasn’t too bad, it had the intensity of the sound of an apple x10 (I think that will be our standard of measurement, 10 apple intensity), but then it got bad. Horrible. Ok, we’re all adults, I’ll just say it: it was torture.

CRUNCH!

No.

It was way worse than that. More like:

CRAKKKKK-INSERT-FINGERNAILS-SCRATCHING-AGAINST-A-BLACKBOARD-SOUND-HERE – UNCH-UNCH -MOIST-MOIST-MOIST-MOIST- SOUND-OF-A-MICROPHONE-GOING-“EEEEEE”- FEET- FEET- UNCH, CRUNCH, THAT-SOUND-THAT-COMES-OUT-AT-THE-END-OF-A-YAWN-SOMETIMES- SQUEAK!!

I’m saying like a 1.23X10^34 apple intensity.

Just when it was about to be over, and I could hear the sound getting softer, a new pork rind would enter his mouth and start it all over again. People were turning around, some people angrily put their hands next to their ears and discreetly pulled out their hair. After six pieces (yes, I remember), I turned around and said:

“Dude.”

He pointed at himself with a confused face. Everyone’s eyes were on us. I couldn’t let everyone down.. it was the moment of truth. Was I going to speak up and be a hero? Was I going to give up and ask for some pork rinds and then choke on them intentionally?

He sank in his chair and looked around at everybody.

I turned away.

He got it.

He put the bag away.

Poor guy, he was embarrassed in front of the whole class because he didn’t realize how annoying he was being. Sure, sometimes closing your mouth while chewing helps, but sometimes the muffled sound makes it resonate with the annoyous nervosious, a made up nerve located between our shoulder blades, next to the thing that causes chills.

Half way through the lecture, we heard another bag of chips being opened from the left side of the classroom. Heads turned in that direction immediately, followed by some awkward chuckles and laughter.. I guess we became a little paranoid.

Happy chewing! Ooh, and Happy Pi Day!

-Edwin

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14 Comments
  1. Love this one! I, too, love apples and I try to eat one every day, at work, no less 🙂
    My one yesterday was particularly loud, and in fact, I was really worried about the annoyance factor. I managed to get through it. Thankfully it was a small apple.
    I will always think of 10 apple intensity now, haha.
    Keep up these greats posts!! They always make my day happier.

    March 14, 2012
    • I’ve tried everything to get it to not be so loud.. I think you may have found the closest thing to a solution: get smaller apples. They’ll make the annoyance factor smaller.. haha! It beats choosing dried apples or going for applesauce instead.

      Thank you for the nice comment, it made my day!

      March 14, 2012
  2. I eat apple everyday! And sometimes, in my workplace! :O Now I’m wondering whether I have the same problem… My co-workers don’t usually say what they’re thinking out loud, so I’m really curious now…

    March 15, 2012
    • Hahaha.. what can they say? Stop eating apples! Its like, UH DUDE! AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY DUHHH!

      lol. Thanks for the comment, Dian!

      Edwin

      March 16, 2012
  3. Cute post! I know I’m eating too loudly when I have turn the volume up on my TV.

    March 15, 2012
    • Hey, thanks for bringing that up! That is a very clear indicator that you are eating too loudly.

      Thanks!

      Edwin

      March 16, 2012
  4. Yes, I do eat loudly! It’s because I have difficulties breathing through my nose… but hey, nobody is perfect, right? 😉

    March 15, 2012
    • Whoa, really?

      And yup, nobody is perfect.. sigh..

      Thanks for the comment, Peaches!

      March 16, 2012
  5. Haha! Loved this post! Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always been annoyed with the sound of someone eating. At times, during dinner, I’ve ever stopped chewing because I was annoying myself.

    Hilarious post, Edwin! 🙂

    P.S. Love the cartoon as well!

    March 16, 2012
    • Hi!

      Now THAT’S funny, you annoying yourself while eating. hahahah thank you!

      Edwin

      March 24, 2012
  6. raynivi #

    makes me laugh, great post! 😀 alrighty i feel bad now, am the one that eats crackers.. lotsa crackers in my office, see the cubicles around me, made me think for a minute there that i was in my own private world, with no one around, that my crunch crunch crunch wouldnt be loud….. :/

    March 16, 2012
    • Hi Raynivi!

      Thank you for reading! 🙂 well don’t feel bad, some people like chewing noises. Probably. haha

      Edwin

      March 24, 2012
  7. Maybe you should witness my sister-in-law’s attention-grabbing- ear- piercing- mood-spoiling eating habit, Edwin– the kind where you want to bury your head in the sand just to escape from the agony.. Haha! But do forgive me for the chicharrones (they’re my favorite actually). Have to admit that the crunchy sounds that it gives when you take that bite somewhat adds flavor and delight to it. But since you pointed it out clearly here why I shouldn’t be doing what I used to do (with eating chicharrones of course), I promise to be more considerate next time.

    Great post by the way! 😉

    March 20, 2012
    • Thank you!

      And yes, the crunchiness adds delight, at least thats what the makers of Crunch bars thought, and look how popular they got! Ever wonder about the peanut M&M’s? The peanut is there to add crunch.. yay..

      Haha chicharrones, even the name sounds crunchy.

      Edwin

      March 24, 2012

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