Skip to content

55. When you can hear people doing it

It is late at night, and you are finally getting ready to go to sleep. For two nights in a row, you’ve been awakened at night by a tapping noise coming from the apartment next to yours but cannot identify it in your half-asleep state –but not tonight. Tonight you will sleep like a baby. Teeth brushed, pajamas ready, and the alarm is set. You’ve been waiting for this moment all day. Suddenly you hear something. What? A song, a soft jazzy tune coming from your neighbor’s place. A voice begins to sing, and you can recognize it. Oh yes, you know this song:

I’ve been really tryin’ baby
Tryin’ to hold back this feeling for so long. . .

This late? Why would anyone be playing a song at this –Oh. Oh no.

. . . Let’s get it on, sugar
Let’s get it on
Whoo, ooh, ooh . . .

And there they go.

Whether the sound is coming from the apartment next door, or from the floor above yours, such a situation is just plain uncomfortable. What makes matters worse is that if it happens every night, you eventually start to become familiar with the sequence. Either a soft tapping noise that gets louder and louder, loud noises and a lot of squeaking, or it could happen like just like the above scenario. You’ll know the pattern, duration, intensity, etc. If you ever have overnight guests, and they’re about to complain about it, you might even tell them,

“Oh, don’t worry, they’ll be done in about 3 and a half more minutes.”

“How do you know?” they’ll ask.

“Uh. . .”

But what are you supposed to do? You can ask them to stop, ask them to keep it down, or let them be. Asking them to stop or keep it down is pretty awkward (and it isn’t very nice), but if you let them be, they won’t know that anybody can hear them and they will keep going at it for a while. Decisions, decisions.

. . . Just let yourself go
Oh, baby
Let’s get it on . . .

(Song: Let’s Get It On, Marvin Gaye)

  1. When in doubt, pick a really obnoxious CD and play it loudly enough to disturb the sex. Marilyn Manson ruins the mood pretty quickly, I think.

    July 6, 2011
    • Marilyn Manson?! Hahaha yeah, they’ll get the message that way.

      Thanks for reading, Lou!

      July 6, 2011
  2. lol, My roommate this year was worse than this.

    July 6, 2011
    • Hahah Nolan! That sucks, man!


      July 7, 2011
  3. chunter #

    When I was in college, we knew what nights the prostitute that patrolled our street was invited into the building, because she was LOUD. (and a bad actress.)

    July 6, 2011
  4. We live in apartments…but I hear no hanky panky. As my husband and I are trying to have a baby, I still try to keep it quiet, because I know it is pretty awkward, so I wouldn’t want to put anyone through that. Now my question is. People still play music while having sex, making love, whatever your word(s) of choice is??? That is just too funny too me…hehe :0)

    July 6, 2011
    • Hi J!

      Yes! Hahaha people still do the whole music thing, i’ve heard more techno music in college housing though maybe because they’re trying to cover the noises. . or something.


      July 7, 2011
  5. My neighbour made a poem about our neighbourhood and the people who live there. She wrote about the Chinese neighbours and their cat, but also about that mixed couple next to her (me and my man) whom she could here making fights but luckily more often make love… Never realised that she could hear everything which is really weird because I could hear her sneeze… The poem won a prize, was published in a variety of newspapers en spreaded through our hole street… How akward is that, knowing that I have neighbours on the other side, above and below me…

    July 7, 2011
  6. Fornicatress #

    I can hear the guy in the apartment above me jerking off just about every day. The familiar bed tapping against the wall, a little grunt here and there. The one time I heard him actually have sex with a girl this year, I just thought, “Good for you, upstairs neighbor. Good for you.”

    July 7, 2011

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: