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52. When it sounds like you farted

(. . but you didn’t).

Talk about awkward! Sometimes I stick to leather seats in cars (I’m not sure why). It doesn’t bother me very much, but whenever I try to move in my seat I hear a loud farting sound. It isn’t that bad when I’m by myself, but whenever other people are around things get a little difficult and I, just like the general public, have to make an important instant decision to the best of my ability (which may depend on several factors including, but not limited to: current mood, if I’m sleepy, hunger level, and environment). These decisions may affect the way other people look at you, and if you’re trying to make a good impression you don’t want to mess this up. This is more common than you think, your shoe may decide to make a farting sound if it rubs against something else, your chair might move and make the noise. .  It happens, folks. Here are your options:

[Insert fart sound here]

A) Pretend it never happened. If you were talking, keep doing it. If you were just sitting somewhere silently when the noise was heard, do not freeze nor make awkward eye contact with anybody, because you would be setting yourself up for failure. Just act like nothing happened, and eventually people will forget it.

B) Announce the truth. You hear people say “I have to fart.” all of the time, you are probably familiar with these people. I’ve tried this option before when I lightly kicked a bag and it made a farting sound, so I put my hands up and said “It was the bag, not me.” which made everybody suspicious. It didn’t work for me, but it might work for you. Try it and tell me how it goes.

C) Try to replicate the sound. One of the more common ones is just to try to make the sound again, to demonstrate something other than your butt made the noise. A word of caution: sometimes you cannot replicate the sound and you’ll just look weird trying to do it.

D) Blame someone else. You can’t go wrong with this! Actually you can. . .  hmm.. Nevermind.

  1. haha, i got with the option C, so they’d know that i didn’t fart haha 😀
    This happens a lot!

    July 1, 2011
  2. So this will be my first comment on your blog and I just have to say that I can honestly relate to most of your posts. Keep it up!

    I’ve always opted for Option C to get others to recognize where the sound came from… and because it amuses me.

    July 1, 2011
    • That is awesome! Thanks for stopping by!


      July 2, 2011
  3. Hahahahahahahaha. I had one of these moments not that long ago. I tend to not even notice when noises are made, so other people’s reactions usually surprise me. I’m always tempted to just say, “trust me, you would KNOW if I’d farted!” But my mom always tells me that’s a little crass…oh well!

    July 3, 2011
  4. HAHAHAHA replicate the sound hahhahahhaha

    August 12, 2011
  5. I’m so familiar with C). I don’t know why, but I absolutely never pass gas in the public so if I happen to cause a suspicious sound I get really defensive about it. Squeaking that chair some more does often lead to more awkwardness, though, so I’ve been trying A) out recently. Breaking a habit is hard.

    This blog is wonderful, by the way.

    August 26, 2011

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