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#14 Pooping at a friend’s house

I hope your weekend was filled with a lot of  fun and awkward moments. You might have done this one recently actually, it is quite common. Something involving the infamous “May I use your bathroom?” question.

When you are visiting your friends at their house, there are several things that you just do not do. Some of these involve hitting on your friend’s mom, change the channel on TV without asking, among other things. Going to the bathroom is perfectly natural and is definitely widely accepted in most homes in America.

But it doesn’t stop it from being awkward.

It becomes extra awkward if some of these are present. Add the following items on the list together and you’re guaranteed to have an awesome situation going:

1) The bathroom is right next to the communal areas such as the living room or den where everyone is hanging out.

2) Background noise is not present. The television is off, the radio is not playing music, and nobody is having a loud, outgoing conversation; the sound of your urine hitting the water in the toilet bowl will become clearly audible outside of the restroom.

3) You have to poop. Of course, taking longer than a minute in there is clear announcement that you had to do more serious business. Among the many factors that are involved in pooping, the odor might be of most concern, especially if you’re a woman (for further information, give me your email by signing up for my Awkwardlist newsletter).

Oh but wait.. there’s more:

4) Someone will be using the bathroom right after you.

There are many other ways in which this could turn out worse, I mean someone could take the time to ask you if you’re “OK” in there. You could run out of toilet paper. There could be no air freshener, the toilet might clog. . heck it might not even flush. My best tip here is to try not to think about all of these possible (horrible) scenarios. What are the chances that they might happen anyway?

P.S. However, if these do happen to you, please submit your story to No? Aw, come on! . . . Fine.


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  1. Sammie #

    I remember my mom once told never poop at school (I don’t know why) but one Faust school (I was in like 3rd grade) and I had a really bad stomach ache and I went to the nurse and they asked me if I had to go #2 and I had no idea what that was so I asked them of course and they were like “pooooooop” and so I went to the bathroom and just stood in there no pooping because my mom said not to then I flushed the toilet and said I still felt bad. The End~

    July 7, 2013
    • Sammie #

      **day at

      July 7, 2013
  2. queen #

    I took a shit at my friends house and the toilet clogged so I left and went to bed they asjed what happened and I said idk I didnt use the bathroom at all did one of you guys? So thts how I handles the situation

    July 25, 2013
  3. Cole #

    I was at a friends house and I had to pee so when I went in the bathroom
    There was poop in the toilet just there. (And it was also odd because I could just flush it) so when I came out of the bathroom, I for some reason, was like “I think your brother didn’t flush” because he was the only one down there. Then I looked at her face and I realized it was her and I forgot she had gone downstairs minutes before me.

    July 28, 2013
  4. Masterof the awkwardness #

    I was at my boyfriends house yesterday, and we were sitting on the couch talking when i really needed to poop i’d been staying in his house for 3 days and hadn’t gone at all and i just had to go! I tried holding it, but started making weird noises..i tried to laugh it off saying it was my stomach grumbling from hunger then went to “pee” the bathroom is right next to the living area and the other side it his brothers bedroom, his brother was sleeping in the room with his mom on his computer! No background noise anywhere like you would be able to hear a pin drop! I had no choice but to go, i thought it’s be better to get it over with than have an accident… so i proceeded and went in I put tissue in the toilet first to stop any splashing and went i managed to be as quiet as possible, then i turned on the tap to make it sound like i was done…. but no, there was more! 😦 Literally never had that much in my life before!! But with it taking so long the room stank and there was no window in the bathroom, they just have a fan which to my luck was broken! So i hoped for the best and flushed the toilet…. the toilet clogged and water started filling up the bowl, it didn’t overflow luckily so i looked around for a plunger but no luck they only had a toilet brush! So i tried to break it up, while i waited for the tank to fill again… the smell was terrible, then someone tried to open the door, obviously needing to use the bathroom! I went into panic mode…. i grabbed 4 plastic bags and took it out of the toilet closing the bags tightly and flushed one last time…, the toilet was fine, but the smell! They had soap, plastic bags, gloves but no air freshener! I just took off my jumper put the bag underneath and walked out! I went back in and pretended i was looking for my phone the whole time… my boyfriend decided he’d help me look…. the first place he checks is the bathroom and is horrified by the smell! Im standing behind as red as a tomato pretending not to notice! His mam walks into the bathroom and walks straight back out saying “who did that” My boyfriend was like “not me”, the brother was still asleep and it obviously wasn’t her since she’s just going to use the bathroom so all the fingers point at me! I got a really disgusted look! I was tempted to deny it but there was no point, the mother seen me go in and come out and my boyfriend knew i went to “pee” I was literally so mortified!!

    August 16, 2013
  5. one time I went to the bathroom at a friends house I had to go reeeeal baaad so i went took a good dump and flushed and came out later a friend went in and was horrified by the smell! XP

    September 15, 2013
  6. Let me tell you another this wasn’t embaressing for me thou….exactly. One day a friend came over to my house to play a few video games. About a hour or two later he asked if he could go to the bathroom. I was actually a little nervous cause we were low on toilet paper and we didn’t have any extra nor did we have money too get any. (we were in financial trouble.) so anyways I said yeah sure. Hoping he just had to pee. Nope a few minutes went by and he wasn’t out then a loud blaring noise could be heard. I forgot what it was but when you hit it hard it makes a loud noise til turned off. Anyways I heard him say ouch and knocked asking if everything was okay? He asked for help and i walked in he hit his head on the thing and since i didnt know how to turn it off my mom had to walk into the bathroom to and turn it off once that disaster was over we left and he went back taking care of his buisiness. A few minutes later he calls and TADA ask for some toilet paper. My mom ask me to run to their house and get (c)

    September 15, 2013
  7. Some. (their house was down the block.) so here I was running down the block to my friends house to get toilet paper. His sister answered and i asked she looked at me strange but gave it too me. I ran back and opened the bathroom door a crack and extended my hand to give him the toilet paper. He said thanks and took it. He flushes and yup….it clogs…my mom goes back in there and unclogs it…my friends stays a little longer than leaves. Once he left my mom whispered to me and said His Poop Sure Does Stink! Soooo embaressing for me and my friend Dx

    September 15, 2013

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